I feel like there are so many things I need to get out in the open and I think here is probably one of the best places I can do it. Hardly anyone will read this and I hope the ones that do won't judge me for anything I divulge. I'm just going to write and not think about it too much or go back and change things - this is really just brain spew.
Over the past 3 months, I've felt myself sliding down a slippery slope. For anyone that doesn't know, I'm currently in my 2nd year at University, my course is Accounting & Finance. I got my first taste of accounting when I was 16 and doing my Business Studies GCSE - one 3rd of that year was spent on accounting and I had an exam which I scored highest of my class in. I think I got 92%. Since then I've wanted to be an accountant. The stuff just came easily to me.
Anyway - the next year I moved up to Sixth Form to complete my A-Levels. The final step in my education before University.
I have always planned to go to University since I was a kid. It was just something I knew I would do because I've always liked being in education. I'm not a 'nerd'. I never do my homework and was never top of the class (apart from that accounting exam and in ICT - I am a computer nerd) but I just enjoy being in school. Making friends is easy and you're not shouldered with any real responsibilities.
So here I am - 19 years old, still in the education system, but slowly falling out of love with it. My long standing hatred for homework and my penchant for procrastination means I'm really behind on all the work. I have four exams coming up this month and if you sat me in one of them tomorrow I would probably have a nervous breakdown.
This is what's plaguing me at the moment. I wake up every day and I can feel the dread of these exams hanging over me but I just can't bring myself to open a book and learn some shit.
So back to my feelings about the last 3 months. When I started uni at the start of October, it really hit me how hard I'm going to have to work to get a good,even respectable, degree and I really started to get down about it. I don't work hard at anything unless I really enjoy it and even then I get real bored real fast. However, I convinced myself that I was going to do it - I was going to prepare all my classes the week before, I was going to complete all the recommended reading for my lectures and essays weeks in advance. Low and behold, this didn't happen and I've found myself here today with these exams coming up and not a clue how to pass them.
I don't know if anyone was able to comprehend that. I know I can't write anything concise or to the point!
Does anyone have similar thoughts to me?