Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Just some musings

I feel like there are so many things I need to get out in the open and I think here is probably one of the best places I can do it. Hardly anyone will read this and I hope the ones that do won't judge me for anything I divulge. I'm just going to write and not think about it too much or go back and change things - this is really just brain spew.

Over the past 3 months, I've felt myself sliding down a slippery slope. For anyone that doesn't know, I'm currently in my 2nd year at University, my course is Accounting & Finance. I got my first taste of accounting when I was 16 and doing my Business Studies GCSE - one 3rd of that year was spent on accounting and I had an exam which I scored highest of my class in. I think I got 92%. Since then I've wanted to be an accountant. The stuff just came easily to me.
Anyway - the next year I moved up to Sixth Form to complete my A-Levels. The final step in my education before University.
I have always planned to go to University since I was a kid. It was just something I knew I would do because I've always liked being in education. I'm not a 'nerd'. I never do my homework and was never top of the class (apart from that accounting exam and in ICT - I am a computer nerd) but I just enjoy being in school. Making friends is easy and you're not shouldered with any real responsibilities.

So here I am - 19 years old, still in the education system, but slowly falling out of love with it. My long standing hatred for homework and my penchant for procrastination means I'm really behind on all the work. I have four exams coming up this month and if you sat me in one of them tomorrow I would probably have a nervous breakdown.
This is what's plaguing me at the moment. I wake up every day and I can feel the dread of these exams hanging over me but I just can't bring myself to open a book and learn some shit. 

So back to my feelings about the last 3 months. When I started uni at the start of October, it really hit me how hard I'm going to have to work to get a good,even respectable, degree and I really started to get down about it. I don't work hard at anything unless I really enjoy it and even then I get real bored real fast. However, I convinced myself that I was going to do it - I was going to prepare all my classes the week before, I was going to complete all the recommended reading for my lectures and essays weeks in advance. Low and behold, this didn't happen and I've found myself here today with these exams coming up and not a clue how to pass them.

I don't know if anyone was able to comprehend that. I know I can't write anything concise or to the point!
Does anyone have similar thoughts to me?


  1. i find thinking about all the different consequences helps, dont think about revision in a negative way otherwise, always take regular breaks and try doing something you enjoy whilst revising. ie: listening to your favourite music, or indulging in a treat you dont have too often. those are just some tips that work for me. good luck! xoxo

  2. I think everyone feels the same at some point in their lives *sighs* Maybe your passion has left you and you no longer want to be an accountant? Is there anything else you want to do? Of course it could just be a slight phase you are going through, we all get lazy and cant be bothered at times......If I was you I would have a good think about what you want to do, if you want to do the uni course you have to decide if you are prepared to put the hours in :) If you are you just need to kick yourself up the bum and study!

    Ha I always say things I am thinking that nobody else would ever say aloud :P

  3. Thanks for your support girls!

    Jen - I like that idea of treats! I can reward myself for revising :D
    I hate thinking about the consequences :s I always convince myself I'll end up working in Tesco for the rest of my life. But it's good for giving me 'the fear' and motivating me.

    Marina - I think the passion is definitely gone. Needless to say accounting at university isn't as easy as at GCSE level. There are lots of other things I want to do but I feel like it's a bit late to be starting on them. I think I'm going to try and finish this course then take some time to figure it out.
    I definitely need to kick myself and get started.
    Thanks for saying those things! I wish more people would just say what they think :D


  4. Its so not too late at all.....I don't think it ever is when you find the thing that you feel is your 'calling' in life :) xo

  5. I feel the same about uni at the mo. I feel disheartened when i dont get a good grade in an assignment, I just try to stay determined though. Dissertations are looming aswell and its pretty stressful :(. I think stress and pressure is kinda good to keep you motivated though.
    Hang in there and try your best coz youre half way through your course and it would be a waste to quit now! xx

  6. Thanks for the encouragement Gem :D I know, I don't want to leave now after all the time and money I've put in. Good luck with all your work!


  7. Have you ever been tested for ADHD?

    Girls are often overlooked and misdiagnosed....far more than boys!